Don't call my birth a 'horror story'

When I was pregnant on my first child I was a member of some Moms groups and forums. Both online and in real life there were plenty of people ready to tell you their previous birth stories. Some good, some ok and some horrendous. The worse stories usually came from women who had suffered a really, really bad experience of childbirth. I was told by the Moms that had good experiences “don’t listen to the ‘horror’ stories”….. “Make sure you ask for the epidural as soon as you get there” etc. I didn’t think much of the phrase at the time.

Fast forward to my own first birth. Traumatic doesn’t even begin to describe it. Awful, life changing in all the wrong ways. I realize looking back that I had developed post-traumatic stress afterwards. The early days, weeks were all a blur. But as I was told I had a healthy baby, I needed to move on, could have been worse, at least now you can forget about it. No, no, no. Yes I had a healthy baby for which I am eternally grateful but my health mattered too. How could I move on when I felt everyone wanted me to brush it aside like some dirty little secret? I hadn’t even begun to process it yet, in fact my partner was the only one I felt really got why I was so all over the place. Forget about it? If only! Anyone who has suffered any kind of traumatic experience knows it is not a case that you choose to dwell on it every day. It haunts you. It plays on repeat over and over again. The what if’s, the should of’s and the guilt.

And then of course I didn’t want to share it with other pregnant women because I was now labelled “a horror story”. I wanted to go back to everyone that told me months previous not to listen to the horror stories and scream “it’s not a horror story it’s real life for me”. It was not a fictional movie, it happened to me. Hearing that phrase only re-enforced the idea that I should keep this nasty little thing to myself and not discuss it for fear of frightening others. That was on top of my own fear of being told the “get over it” line. And whilst it’s not something I would share with a nervous expectant mother anyway, I find the term to be an emotional trigger.

Fast forward again.

I teach GentleBirth. A brain changing, life changing program that helps women to prepare for whatever path their birth takes so in the event of the birth not going the way you had hoped you can still have a positive experience. I only found it after I had my first child. And whilst it is important for expectant Moms to surround themselves with positive birth stories, I don’t think we should label anyone’s birth story as a “horror story”.

On my second pregnancy the hospital was a place of terror for me. I was beyond petrified attending my prenatal appointments. The thoughts of returning to the place that let me down so badly first time round in terms of support, consent and basic human decency resulted in me feeling physically ill going in. I knew I needed to get my head together or I had no hope of a positive birth this time either. So how could I try and “get over it” now that I had this birth ahead of me? This is when I first came across GentleBirth. GentleBirth taught me how to hack into and re wire my brain changing how I responded to being in the hospital. The program is based on neuroscience and the concept of brain training for birth, giving yourself the head edge like any athlete training for a marathon, your head being in the right space is equally as important as your physical training.

I got to the point where I was so comfortable being in the hospital I would fall asleep whilst waiting to be called with my head phones on. I enjoyed my visits. It’s so much more than hypnosis. It’s about understanding and controlling what can be your best friend or worst enemy in labor – your brain!

Whether you are a first time Mom to be or have had a previous birth that didn’t go to plan, be proactive. Prepare yourself with tools and techniques that work in every circumstance. The fact is no class can guarantee you a particular kind of birth (run away if they do!) In fact some will even try to tell you that you need to turn off your brain in labor, what a waste of such an amazing tool. Birth can be unpredictable, we know this. Some things you don’t have control over but you do have control over your brain and how you use it on the biggest day of your life.

For more information go to www.gentlebirthflorida.com